Love, American Style

The thinking progressives and progressive thinkers over at Think Progress take a holiday from such activities with a bit of new-style red-baiting. Seems Sean Hannity has added a dating service to his website, unfortunately named Hannidate 2005. The illustrious Think Progress Team, who'd like you to know that they care about thinking, culled a few choice postings from the appeals for conservative companionship, good times, and LTRs and posted them on their blog.

"If you’ve always been curious about romance, right-wing style, here’s what you’ve been missing...." There's the set-up for hilarity. Let the comments rip!

Hi my name is Cletus. I listen to Sean Hannity 3 hours a day. Uh, I was drinking some bourbon that I made in the shed, and maybe I had too much, cuz Jesus told me that I could find my match on hannitydate2005. I am 5′11″, a lean 342 pounds. I have great dentures. I am looking for a woman with strong morals, who loves Jesus, ain’t a Jew or a Negro, and who takes in in the pooper. Call me

Take that rednecks!

I am disappointed by these choices.I was looking for an angry beady eyed mongoloid- type with greased down Devo hair and a mouth that looks like a proped open septic tank lid.

Up yours mongoloids! You mongoloid-types too!

300 lb. Dumbfuck from Texas here. Enjoys killin Irackis, shootin’ terrorists and shootin’. Don’t wanna hear no guff about WMD’s from nobody. Saddam was an asshole, so ifin we had to lie our asses off to make a case for gettin’ cheap gas for my big block Chevy, than tuff shit. Lookin’ fer a conservative mute who won’t mind cold nights alone in the menstrual shack. Must know carpentry. Must love Jesus, just like God said to do in the constitooshun. Must hate Unions and Yankees and support corporate dominashun werldwide. You kin find me most evenin’s at the Klan meetin’. I’ll be roastin’ copies of Fahrenheit 911 on the burnin’ cross.

Hey, that guy stole my ad. But here are some thoughtful observations:

A Hannity man believes his erection is a liberal conspiracy by feminists to force christians to “stand up” for the Vagina Monologues. The Hannity woman is not afraid to have conservative beliefs “shoved down her throat” if you know what I mean.

Truth. Excuse me while I wipe away a tear.

Hey these people are truly idiots. I am offended by the comments about Oregonians because of one freak near Eugene! In my neck of the woods we are surrounded by liberals! We speak up and out loudly! I’m sure glad that guy put his picture up so I can recognize him.

Yeah! That fucking neo-fascist freak better stay the fuck out of Eugene!

On the other hand, not all of the progressives nor all of the thinkers are going after the red meat in the way their handlers intended:

i loathe current republican behavior, thinking and expression to the very core of my being. i’m a lefty, and an occasional blogger–e.g., my bonafides are hopefully established. i am not a troll. having said that, this is in terrible taste–who the fuck is thinkprogress or anyone else to judge people’s desire for companionship? honestly, this makes me sick. think progress is doing neither with this. apologize to hannity’s listerners/posters (and especially those whose e-mail addresses have been intentionally exposed to people who would only mock them), apologize to hannity (AHHHHHHHHHHH fuck you for making me have to type that sentence).

we are trying to convince some of these people that progressive liberal thinking is worth looking into. this will result in the antithesis of what we really want–a better world based on shared understanding and humanity.

Now just because you want to help people doesn't mean you have to like them, or even look at them. Stupid unhygienic gits.

I agree Sean Hannity is a rat of the worst kind, but this is in bad taste and you should be ashamed of yourselves, and leave those folks alone they dont derserve to be harassed, im disappointed in you all.

The Gannon matter proved that the personal is political. Get with the program. Conservatives don't have the same rights as you and me.

The real tragedy of this is that these are mostly working-class folks who, 30 years ago, would have been straight-ticked Democratic voters.

If you look closely, these ads reveal volumes about the things that matter to them. Instead of making fun of them, we should be using our oh-so-superior liberal intellects to suss out what those things are. ...

I find it appalling that we are now making fun of the very same people who, in our better days, we used to go to the wall to fight for. I know: those fights were such a hassle, and we’re all post-hassle now. It’s sooo much easier, and more sophisticated, to simply laugh at the rubes than help them.

But if this is all the understanding and compassion the Liberal Elite can muster for the average working-class American, it’s no fucking wonder that they won’t vote for our candidates any more.

Fucking splitters!

This reaction of course generated a counter-reaction:

You have to laugh to keep from crying.It is not the individuals that are being made fun of as much as those they support .I believe they are the real target of this humor.I don’t think it will be too far in the future that your enlightened attitude will turn to outrage and anger. If what is going on in this country has not already upset you then I guess you are just one of the perfect sheeple.

Ooh. He said "sheeple." Say the magic word and win a hundred dollars. Apart from this divining of who the real target is, there was an opposite counter-reaction:

Wow. A Wing-Nut starts a pimping service. The ‘people’ who join up show just how shallow they are in their views and opinions in 100 words or less. And, according to the earlier poster, Robert, we are not allowed to see what’s funny in this and mock them. We have to be the ‘bigger’ people? Please. The Republicans have a choke-hold on too many people in this country. While we try to be ‘bigger’ people, they are gaining more and more control. It’s amazing how many words you used, and the point was so dilluted and shallow. It is not as simple as that. Throw a liberal in a cage with two republicans and the Pubs will kill first and then tell the corpse how they were right to kill it. Throw a Republican in a cage with two Liberals and they will talk so much the Pub will kill himself. They hate talk. They hate debate. They just want to be smarter, richer, and more powerful than any damn Liberal. It doesn’t matter how ‘better’ we are. The credit will never be defined to us. No, we must be able to stand nose-to-nose with them and not desire anything more than to shame them into the truth. It will be the hardest fucking thing we’ll ever have to do. But, it is the only ‘Better’ way to accomplish our goal. They yell like 50 million unified voices and spew hate at us. Well, we are 50 million strong as well (those, of course, are loosely based on election ‘results’). If we can get off our collective asses and unite our voices, we can blow them away with the truth. Without unity, us Libs have nothing. Fuck being ‘better’ than them. Let’s ‘truth’ them into submission. Too bad it’ll probably never happen that way.

Ack! Kill them with truth! Republicans! I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them!

Has the medication kicked in yet? Here's the best part:

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American Progress Action Fund (APAF) is a nonpartisan organization. With the blog, APAF seeks to provide a forum that advances progressive ideas and policies.

Mission accomplished! as someone once said. Oh, wait, that last quoted part was in the blog's sidebar, not in the post.